One Fat Cat With a Blog

Once again I, Frito, have been the subject of false, unfounded allegations! It seems to be a constant theme in this house. When something happens, they blame the fat cat. Maybe it's because I'm usually the one SLEEPING and don't make it out of the given rooms in question before the girls run for it. When someone (Lea) was toilet-papering the dining room, who did they blame? Yea..me. When someone (Gina) was mistaking good old Dad's laundry basket for a new litter box, who do you think had to go to the vet for some unnecessary testing? Yep. Me. When someone eats a roll of Mom's gift ribbon, who do you...oh, wait, that was me, but the girls were there, they were standing lookout....
Well, I can't take it anymore. This time, the little, middle human has taken it too far. I mean she already took my favorite blanket that I used for years before she came along and now, she has called me a toy thief. She went to Grandma's a while back, not my Swat-A-Granny buddy, the other Grandma...I don't think my Swat-a-Granny granny would set me up like this...Anyway, the kid came home with a little plastic spider. Yes, I have a bit of a negative reputation where plastic bags are concerned--but, this is a plastic toy and they are not the same. And I did get a little out of character when they moved those dreaded butterflies onto my napping table, but a plastic spider is not the same. It doesn't move, doesn't flutter, and I, frankly have zero interest in it. Well, it happend. I was asleep on the kid's bed, after she stole my blanket again, and all of a sudden I was awake and PICKED UP and taken to the upstairs and put on trial for EATING her plastic spider and was banned from her bedroom, where she hides MY blanket on her bed. Did they suspect Lea the psycho? Of course not. Did the even question Gina, the Gremlin cat? Oh, no. Just me.
And you know what? The kid found it two days later on her desk. Did they apologize? Did I get any black olives for dinner? Did anyone offer me MY blanket back? Nah. No respect around here. I need to file a slander lawsuit...or is it libel? I'll have to look that one up. Here's hoping that none of you cats have to put up with this nonsense.

Thank you, Gina! It seems that with a little inspiration from your pal Louie, that the humans and some of the other cats think I have some issues with being a cat. Well, I guess it is time to come clean. I am cat enough to admit that I love a dog. Yes. I said it. A dog. D-O-G. It's not just any old hound dog or anything. It's MY dog. He's a pomeranian. His name is Bear. Before the pictures pop up in all of my friend's profiles, I used to sleep on him when I was a kitten and I know there are some incriminating photos. Lucky for me that Gina doesn't have a scanner compatible with the new PC. Yet.
I had mentioned to a few cats that I was thinking of starting a support group for other cats living in this situation. Well, the parents have found the "purrfect" program for me. It seems that they think my emotional attention to the one I affectionately call Stink Doggy Dog is unhealthy. The program is with the local CAT institute. (Canine Affection Treatment Institute) I get to relearn to be a cat. They are currently interviewing for other exemplary cats to "train" us in hunting like a cat, sleeping like a cat, thinking like a cat, and they are actually encouraging intolerance to dogs. I'll go to the program since they have given me a choice between a steady stream of diet food or this two week course in nonsense. I am a cat. I just happen to be a cat that loves my dog. I think maybe they should have Bear tested to see if maybe, just maybe he isn't a cat in some kind of a sick disguise. My bags are packed for this trip to the Institute. I have some extra snacks packed and my milk rings, and there has even been some talk that there is something less than catlike about fetching too!
Let me know if Gina gets carried away with the blog while I'm gone.
Frito

Okay, we are having some issues around the house at the present! It seems that one of us cats has developed an affinity toward the toilet paper in the human's upstairs bathroom. Someone that I will not name (Lea) has decided to shred a roll of toilet paper on a nearly nightly basis. Two nights ago, someone (Lea) decided to run through the upstairs with the toilet paper wrapped around her--unrolling the entire roll as she ran. She successfully toilet papered the dining room table and two of the kids toys before the paper broke. The humans were not impressed. As usual, they blame the fat cat. Like I could fit under the rungs of the dining room chairs while RUNNING? The one we call Mom has taken to "hiding" the toilet paper from us cats...but the only one that cannot find it in the middle of the night is Dad. Someone (Lea) still finds it and tries to eat it or unrolls it. I could really use that camera that Mom's always shoving in my face. One picture of Lea the Lunatic caught in the act and maybe, just maybe, they'll throw her out to protect the garden. Mom wants another "outside" cat anyway and in this economy who needs another mouth to feed? I'm only thinking of the human's financial well being here. It has nothing to do with my own food bowl economics. Sound convincing?