I had originally thought that the beast with which the humans are forcing my cohabitation was a piranha disguised as a hound. I mean the teeth are his only feature aside from those ridiculous ears. Those ears are in his water bowl, the doofus tries to eat them when he sucks up his food like a vacuum cleaner...they are just silly...why does a 10 pound Puppy need ears sized for a Great Dane? After a few days of detaching the pooch from my tail fluff, I thought that he couldn't possibly be a dog because he was trying to eat me! Obviously Beagle bred with Piranha...a Beagranha, I guess.
Then I realized it's true breeding! It's a Fitness Trainer! The worst species of the worst in the world of a Big Boned City Kitty! The humans have disguised a fitness trainer in a hound dog suit to run me around the house. (Bear in mind, I do the chasing--but, nonetheless, I spend a great deal of my napping time RUNNING!) It's like a built in Treadmill that I can't resist. I see Puppy, I chase Puppy. I hear Puppy, I have to run to find Puppy so that I can CHASE Puppy. It's a horrible fate! I may actually lose weight at this rate!
Things had just started to get back to normal around here. The kids were home for summer, the girls and I had gotten used to life without Stink Doggy Dog, I had the vet appointment under my belt and we had a new diet plan in place. Things were settling in. I felt pretty good about things.
The humans had to go to a graduation party-two day event out of town. I had even decided that this wasn't going to upset my delicate urinary system. I could handle the separation anxiety--even when they locked Fluff INSIDE the house with us for the weekend. I could do it. As a matter of fact, the weekend went well.
Until Sunday night...then THIS happend.
There is absolutely no way I'm letting this beast move into my house. The humans didn't even get a dog--they got a puppy. They call him Max. The girls and I call him a piranha disguised as a hound dog.
Oh, it's been a blast. He "trees" Gina on to the fireplace mantle, he makes Lea so stressed out, she won't eat...well...she won't eat much, Fluffy seems to like him which only furthers the conclusion that Fluffy has nothing between his ears...Me you ask? I don't like him. The only time I see any value in him is when he's sleeping...on a different floor of the house. I'm trying to get used to it. I won't let him go downstairs...he's not allowed in the Little Human's room...he's not allowed in my cat food bowl...and he's not going to take my whole chair.
You don't think he's staying do you? Even humans can't be this crazy...can they?????
Posted by Frito the Fat Cat Blogging on Saturday, June 13, 2009 | Tagged Frito's View on Dogs |