One Fat Cat With a Blog

I had originally thought that the beast with which the humans are forcing my cohabitation was a piranha disguised as a hound. I mean the teeth are his only feature aside from those ridiculous ears. Those ears are in his water bowl, the doofus tries to eat them when he sucks up his food like a vacuum cleaner...they are just silly...why does a 10 pound Puppy need ears sized for a Great Dane? After a few days of detaching the pooch from my tail fluff, I thought that he couldn't possibly be a dog because he was trying to eat me! Obviously Beagle bred with Piranha...a Beagranha, I guess.
Then I realized it's true breeding! It's a Fitness Trainer! The worst species of the worst in the world of a Big Boned City Kitty! The humans have disguised a fitness trainer in a hound dog suit to run me around the house. (Bear in mind, I do the chasing--but, nonetheless, I spend a great deal of my napping time RUNNING!) It's like a built in Treadmill that I can't resist. I see Puppy, I chase Puppy. I hear Puppy, I have to run to find Puppy so that I can CHASE Puppy. It's a horrible fate! I may actually lose weight at this rate!