One Fat Cat With a Blog

Okay—I’ll admit it. There were times when I used to get a little jealous when the humans would pack up the Face of Stupid (aka Max the Hound Dog) and take him away to places unknown for a few hours…or even a few days. They still do it a lot—and sometimes it seems a little unfair—but, in the end I think Fluff, the Girls and I are better off to NOT be packed along on little outdoor road trip adventures. Let me tell you why.

Road trips require a trip outside. I am Frito T. Cat—Watch Cat Extraordinaire of the INSIDE world. I’m a housecat. The outside world is generally too hot, too cold, too wet, too dark, too bright, too windy, too smelly, too loud, or just too darned scary. Avoid road trips…avoid the outside…be one happy house cat.

Road trips generally do not end in fun-filled destinations. Have you ever noticed that when cats get a road trip—it sure isn’t for a fun filled day at the beach? My trips have ended at the vet, the boarding kennel, Grandma’s house, the groomer (sad, sad day that was) or at the home of yet another stupid dog….or some traumatic combo of all of the above. All roads seem to lead to non-cat friendly activities. I would rather skip the drama.

Cats are often misunderstood. Grandma is scared of Frito. (Really? SHE is scared of ME? Hmmm.) Cats “tear up the furniture” (yeah…and tooth filled, snout of stupid just sniffs it, right?), cats “smell” (there’s no such thing as wet cat smell…dogs on the other hand…hmmm), litterbox duties put many off (how about pooper scooper duties for a 50 pound hound dog), and cats prefer to be left alone….well, maybe the stupid humans got that one right. Even if the human’

The Face of Stupid gets carsick. Once again, my humans managed to find the one defective hound dog in the pound. Has anyone ever seen a dog, let alone a HOUND DOG, that doesn’t like to ride in cars or trucks? EVER? Well, we have one…one that hacks up his breakfast in the minute car ride to the vet. Yep..I really want to be in the car with a sack full of dog yack for miles.

When the family takes a road trip—the cats are really the ones that get a vacation. See, when my family goes away…I get my blanket back…I get my room back…I get to roam the house…I get to sleep on the dining room table…I get to eat cat food in the little kids’ bed, I get to sleep in the laundry basket. Most importantly, I do not get carried around the house, I do not play dress up..or Baby Frito or any other demeaning game…I can let my guard down because the Face of Stupid cannot stay home alone for long. All in all..if I avoid road trip vacations, I truly get a vacation in the end.

So, if you cats out there are getting bummed about being constantly left behind while the family takes off—take a few minutes to think things through. I bet you have 5 good reasons why cats hate road trips as well!