Falsely Accused....Again

Once again I, Frito, have been the subject of false, unfounded allegations! It seems to be a constant theme in this house. When something happens, they blame the fat cat. Maybe it's because I'm usually the one SLEEPING and don't make it out of the given rooms in question before the girls run for it. When someone (Lea) was toilet-papering the dining room, who did they blame? Yea..me. When someone (Gina) was mistaking good old Dad's laundry basket for a new litter box, who do you think had to go to the vet for some unnecessary testing? Yep. Me. When someone eats a roll of Mom's gift ribbon, who do you...oh, wait, that was me, but the girls were there, they were standing lookout....
Well, I can't take it anymore. This time, the little, middle human has taken it too far. I mean she already took my favorite blanket that I used for years before she came along and now, she has called me a toy thief. She went to Grandma's a while back, not my Swat-A-Granny buddy, the other Grandma...I don't think my Swat-a-Granny granny would set me up like this...Anyway, the kid came home with a little plastic spider. Yes, I have a bit of a negative reputation where plastic bags are concerned--but, this is a plastic toy and they are not the same. And I did get a little out of character when they moved those dreaded butterflies onto my napping table, but a plastic spider is not the same. It doesn't move, doesn't flutter, and I, frankly have zero interest in it. Well, it happend. I was asleep on the kid's bed, after she stole my blanket again, and all of a sudden I was awake and PICKED UP and taken to the upstairs and put on trial for EATING her plastic spider and was banned from her bedroom, where she hides MY blanket on her bed. Did they suspect Lea the psycho? Of course not. Did the even question Gina, the Gremlin cat? Oh, no. Just me.
And you know what? The kid found it two days later on her desk. Did they apologize? Did I get any black olives for dinner? Did anyone offer me MY blanket back? Nah. No respect around here. I need to file a slander lawsuit...or is it libel? I'll have to look that one up. Here's hoping that none of you cats have to put up with this nonsense.