One Fat Cat With a Blog

---only 1 unsuspecting bystander injured in the attack.

I was sleeping with the one we call Mom last night. Since she has everyone on her Frito Feeders Watchlist, there isn’t a soul in this house willing to slip a starving cat so much as a piece of cat food! I’ve developed a new plan of attack. I sleep with her, wait for her to get up to head to the bathroom, and then hope that in some sleep induced coma, she mistakes me for Lea in the dark and sits down Gina’s cat food bowl from the countertop where only the batcat can attempt to reach it! It hasn’t necessarily worked out for me yet, but, I am holding out hope!

Anyway, as I was saying, I was sleeping with Mom. (I’ve also discovered that if I sleep on her feet long enough, it raises her body temperature to about 120 and she wakes more often during the night—just a little tidbit I thought I’d share) So, I’m lying there, waiting for signs of movement from the human and I spotted movement on the wall above her head instead. It was spider! A big one! A CRUNCHY MEATY plaything! My prayers were answered! I gave two Frito style chatters, a couple of butt wiggles, and CHARGED. The last thing I saw was Mom’s eyes open as I vaulted off her chest, up the wall after the spider. (She heard my chatters, saw my gaze fixed on the wall over her head, and after initially thinking I’d lost my mind, she seemed to understand what was up.) She was not so understanding, however, when my jump up the wall led me to nothing to hang onto—I have told the humans that they need a headboard on that bed--and I bounced backwards onto her side as she made a very, valiant effort to roll out of my landing strip. Darned laws of physics.

As Mom grumbled off to the bathroom with her standard, “psychotic, nutcase of a cat” rant, I made a second attempt at the spider. I caught it! We both fell to the floor. I won! I had him under my paw! Victory was mine!

Then Lea came and ate him. So close.

Mom threw me out of the bedroom, of course, but, I’ll try again tonight. She'll forget...hey, if not, I'll tell her I was simply protecting her from the big, scary spider.

Frito, Guard Cat. Yeah, I like the sound of that.